Co-Parenting Holiday Plans: Creating Positive and Memorable Celebrations for Children After Divorce

For divorced or separated parents, the holiday season can feel like an emotional minefield. Will the kids miss out? How do you share Christmas morning? And who gets stuck explaining why Santa visited two houses? These questions can feel overwhelming, but with a little thought and a lot of heart, holidays can still be magical and memorable for your children.

Reframing the holiday challenge

Holidays are about connection and joy—not the specific logistics of where or when you celebrate. Kids aren’t keeping score on who had the fanciest tree or the most gifts under it. They’re far more likely to remember the laughter during cookie decorating or the warmth of a heartfelt tradition.

As one mom shared, “My kids don’t care if Christmas is on December 25th or 27th. What they do care about is whether I remember that sprinkles belong on every single cookie—even the gingerbread men.”

Six tips for happier co-parenting holiday plans

Start the conversation early

Picture this: It’s Christmas Eve, and instead of hanging stockings, you’re texting furiously about who gets Christmas morning. Sound familiar? Avoid this nightmare by setting a schedule early. Sit down with your co-parent in advance to discuss how you’ll divide time. While this may feel uncomfortable, being proactive prevents last-minute arguments and gives your children clarity over what the holidays will look like. Posting a calendar on the fridge can really help young children.

One dad shared his strategy of creating a shared Google Calendar with his ex.  “By having a shared calendar, it keeps us all organized and on top of all the events and school concerts. And it reduces the amount of hiccups with double booking or missed transportation.”

Think beyond the calendar

The magic of the holidays isn’t tied to a single date. Whether you’re opening Christmas presents or toasting New Year’s Eve with sparkling grape juice, the key is creating joyful moments. What matters most is the joy your children feel. If they see both parents working together to make the season special, it will mean more than any gift.

Here is an example of what that means in practice: if one parent’s extended family traditionally celebrates on a certain day, let the children enjoy that gathering while creating a separate celebration of your own. One client told me how her family now celebrates “Second Christmas” every December 28th: “Would you want to eat 3 turkey dinners over 2 days?” The kids get excited about an extra holiday, and everyone avoids the stress of splitting the 25th.

A dad who works retail started a tradition of “Night Before Workmas,” where they exchange gifts and play board games before his final stretch of long holiday hours.

Make transitions fun

Holiday transitions can be stressful for kids and an emotional tug-of-war for the parents, but they don’t have to. Make them easier by ensuring they know the schedule ahead of time and preparing them emotionally for the change. 

Making the transition part of the celebration will make it even better. Here is what one mother shared with me: “We sing a silly car song whenever we’re driving to Dad’s house. It’s goofy, but it makes my son laugh, and that’s all I care about.”

Create new traditions

After a divorce, finances may be tighter. Focus on experiences over expensive gifts. Whether it’s hosting a holiday movie marathon, baking cookies in your pajamas, or even crafting ornaments, these new traditions can become lifelong memories. They sure will be more memorable than the latest gadget.

One mom shared how her “Grinch Night” tradition, where the family eats green pancakes and watches “The Grinch,” became her kids’ favorite part of the season.

Another mom shared how she and her kids started visiting a local animal shelter to spread holiday cheer by donating supplies and volunteering. It’s now their favorite tradition.

Emphasize what truly matters

Letting go of the “perfect” holiday can be tough, but it’s liberating. It’s not about having the perfect Pinterest holiday. What matters most is the joy your children feel. The most cherished moments often come from simple pleasures—watching a holiday movie together, going for a drive to see Christmas lights, or just laughing at how bad you are at wrapping presents.

One dad admitted, “I used to stress about how my tree wasn’t as nice as my ex’s. Then my daughter told me she liked ours better because of our ‘ugly ornament contest.’ That was a win I didn’t expect.”

Protecting emotional well-being

Your children’s mental health should always come first. Avoid guilt trips or putting them in the position of having to choose between parents. Instead, focus on their happiness.

It helps if you encourage your children to talk about their feelings. “It’s okay to miss Mom when you’re here with me, and it’s okay to miss me when you’re with her.”

The bigger picture

Your children will remember how the holidays made them feel, not whether every detail went according to plan. Give them the feeling of being surrounded by love and the assurance that their parents, though apart, always had their best interests at heart. By approaching the season with creativity and a willingness to adapt, you’re giving them memories that will last a lifetime.

If your kids are happy, you’ve done it right. If they see both parents working together to make the season special, it will mean more than any gift.

FAQs:

How do divorced parents handle holiday schedules?
Open communication and early planning are key. Create a schedule that prioritizes your children’s happiness and avoids last-minute conflicts.

What if we can’t agree on co-parenting holiday plans?
Mediation can help resolve conflicts constructively. A neutral third party can guide discussions and find solutions that work for everyone. Call Fairway Divorce Solutions for advice and support.

How can we make transitions between homes easier for the kids?
Keep the mood positive and provide clear expectations. Small rituals, like sharing stories during handoffs, can make transitions smoother.

Should we create new traditions after a divorce?
Absolutely! New traditions help redefine the holidays in a positive way and give children something to look forward to each year.

How can we keep children out of holiday conflicts?
Discuss plans privately and avoid arguing in front of the kids. Present a unified front and emphasize their enjoyment over logistical disputes.