What is a Grey Divorce?

Grey Divorce refers to the demographics of couples over the age of 50 who end their marriage, often after 20 or more years together. While overall divorce rates have been declining, the grey divorce rate has roughly doubled. The expressions “Silver Splitters” or “Diamond Divorcees” describe the same trend, sometimes also called late-life divorce. People born during the Baby Boomer generation have driven most of this increase, which is how the term "Grey Divorce" came to be used.

The trend of divorcing seniors continues

Baby Boomers have had a significant influence on consumer markets. As one of the largest demographics in the Western world, their lifestyle and spending habits have helped shape market innovation and branding. While companies have successfully predicted many consumer trends in the past, few predicted the rise in divorce among older adults.

The upswing in divorce among baby boomers has been coined “Grey Divorce.” The impact of grey divorce is far-reaching. It affects housing, travel, retirement spending, and, of course, the providers of divorce services. Families, including children and grandchildren, also feel its effects. While divorce rates flattened or decreased in some demographics, the statistics for grey divorces are increasing.

Facts about grey divorce

• The average marriage duration among this demographic is between 20 and 30 years.

• The divorce rate has doubled over the past two decades.

  Married individuals over 50, including those with a college education, are twice as likely to divorce as they were in 1990.

• More than 55 percent of grey divorces involved a split of couples together for more than 20 years.

• Statistics Canada's figures on age-based divorce rates show the median age for divorce rose between 1991 and 2008: for men, it jumped from 38.3 to 44 years. For women, it jumped from 35.7 to 41 years, and the trend is increasing.

• Dual-income earners are providing each party with the feeling of more financial stability and financial independence.

• Boomers may also be repeating “marital instability” patterns from their early years. The Pew Research Centre says that “during their young adulthood, Baby Boomers had unprecedented levels of divorce.” This pattern can be contributing to divorces among them today.

• This group has a unique set of challenges when it comes to splitting assets. Their age, careers, retirement, and children mean that their high-income years are either behind them or peaking. At this point, at this stage of life, there is likely less time to rebuild financially than for their younger counterparts.

What are the main reasons baby boomers are getting divorced?

The baby boomer generation is different from the previous generations. Many have accumulated wealth through dual-income families. Also, they have benefited from travelling and an increased lifespan associated partly with active lives. The grey divorce phenomenon reflects a market that expects more out of life. They do not want to settle.

Top 12 reasons behind a grey divorce

#1. The stigma around divorce has changed

For many generations, couples stayed together due to stigma around divorce or for religious reasons. That stigma has faded, and couples today feel more free to end an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage. Even “growing apart,” with no single clear reason behind it, has become an acceptable reason to part ways.

#2. Second marriages later in life are almost the norm

Older adults have hope that the grass is greener on the other side. Many are permitting each other to exit when things are no longer suitable.

#3. Dating websites make meeting other singles easier

With the advent of dating websites, the prospects can be plentiful.

#4. People are living longer

Between 1921 and 2005, life expectancy increased from 59 years to 78 years for men and 61 years to 83 years for women. This number may potentially increase for each gender by approximately another four years before 2031. For some, this is way too long to live out an unhappy marriage.

#5. People hold marriage to a higher standard than in the past

Being a good provider or homemaker is no longer the measure of a successful marriage. People are looking for partners, companions, friends who share common interests, goals and values. They are looking for personal fulfillment. Marriage itself is not enough.

#6. Elderly disability rates have declined

People live well into their 60s and 70s, feeling active and wanting to share their adventures with a like-minded partner.

#7. Women are less likely to be dependent on their husbands financially

Increased participation in the workforce is one reason. The other is that they feel more confident that they will receive half of the retirement assets and wealth (in most jurisdictions) that they have built together in the course of the marriage.

#8. Different goals and aspirations

Many years of marriage are about raising children, building careers, establishing financial security, putting kids through college and falling into bed at night exhausted. This routine left little time for self-fulfillment. So as some couples enter retirement, they may find their future aspirations are entirely different. Given the many years of self-sacrifice, they see the next decades as a time to pursue what they want with or without their present spouse.

#9. Different approaches to money and spending habits

Money is still one of the main issues of contention for most divorcing couples. This subject applies to the grey divorce as well. As people enter their later years, they often become more set in their ways. Divergent approaches to saving and spending can be the root of much discord. Some just prefer to split things up and manage their own money as they see fit, without the interference of their spouse.

#10. The lack of intimacy or sex

Medical advances have allowed older couples to enjoy sex well into their later years. While this area of discussion can be uncomfortable for many, it is one of the main reasons marriages fall apart. Sexual intimacy is one of the few things that married couples share just between them and with no other person in their lives. Once this stops, many couples struggle to find what other glue holds them together.

#11. Empty nesters

Older couples may find that after their adult children leave the family home, their marriage is no longer relevant. Many with troubled marriages will even stay together until the last child goes. They feel it’s easier for their sons and daughters to deal with separation once they are on their own.

#12. Retirement

When one or both spouses retire, the abrupt change in lifestyle can negatively impact the marriage. Some retired couples find that the sudden increase in time spent together is not a source of happiness. They realize that they do not enjoy each other’s company and are in constant bickering.

What are the main issues in a Grey Divorce?

Like all divorces, several issues need consideration in a grey Divorce. While most divorces fall under two categories: money and kids, the grey divorce presents a few other challenges that younger generations do not face.

Here are a few of the questions to consider in a grey divorce:

What to do with the family home or cottage?

The family home or cottage is often one of the most emotionally and financially significant assets in a marriage. Deciding whether to keep or sell the property involves weighing financial considerations against the memories, traditions and attachments associated with it. Affordability after divorce is an important factor, but so are lifestyle, maintenance responsibilities and how the property fits into each person's future plans. While keeping the property may provide a sense of continuity, selling it can create opportunities for a fresh start and new traditions. Think the decision through carefully, considering both the emotional significance of the property and the long-term financial and practical implications.

Is spousal support an issue?

Spousal support is usually the most contentious issue in a divorce settlement. For grey divorce, it can be even more challenging, especially since these are often long-term marriages of 20 years or more, where spousal support needs to account for decades of shared contributions and sacrifices. The potential payor is often approaching the end of their career. The payee may find job prospects very limited and going back to school unrealistic. In traditional marriages where one party stayed home, the negotiations can be emotional and bring up a lot of fear and uncertainty about the future. Both parties must be very disciplined about engaging in a process that protects their “rights.” It is necessary that it also does not harm future family events and grandparenting. Spousal support calculations and negotiations are not black and white. Getting sound legal advice from a family lawyer or divorce mediator with knowledge of the laws and courtroom trends is important. Regardless, mediation is always the best choice for reaching a fair outcome that reflects both parties’ needs.

What is the market value of the assets?

Having more years together usually means more time to build net worth, which often means more complex assets to divide than you’d see in an earlier-life divorce. Before splitting anything as part of the divorce settlement, establishing what the pie is before cutting it up is crucial to fair outcomes. While appraisals can be useful, they are often expensive and do not come with any guarantee. The best way to arrive at a number is for both parties to come up with a value by doing the research independently. For more complicated assets, like businesses or private equity, jointly hiring an independent valuer makes sense. Ensure, however, that this professional is retained by both parties to secure the feeling of neutrality. When it is time to receive the information and the valuator’s opinion, do it together so that both parties hear it at the same time. Having a trusted mediator or resolution expert attend is good practice. Don’t forget about addressing:

• Stocks

  Restricted Stock Units

  PSU’s

  Options (vested and not vested)

  RRSPs

  Private Equity

  Art

  Antiques

Are there any exemptions (non-marital assets)?

Exemptions are those assets, whether in money, property, inheritances, art or others, that do not form part of the property division. The discussion around exemptions needs to be thorough and well thought out. A significant issue is that in grey divorce cases, there’s often little or no paperwork to support pre-marriage assets or investments, especially after long marriages. In this case, a bit of give-and-take is often the best and fairest way to resolve the issue. If there is substantial paperwork or if it involves the Matrimonial Home, then the laws in each Province will set the stage for well-informed discussions. In areas like this, where emotional buttons can be pushed, having a skilled mediator who can get you to the right outcome without damaging relationships is the best way possible.

Is either party collecting a pension or still paying into a long-term pension?

Pension valuation requirements vary depending on the type of plan and the applicable provincial legislation. For defined benefit and defined contribution pensions, obtaining a professional valuation is recommended, particularly where provincial legislation does not provide specific guidance on how the pension should be divided.

Understanding the cost of the valuation and how much can be transferred to the other party's LIRA is important before making any decisions about division. If a pension is already being drawn, consulting an expert about the available options is also important, as this can directly affect the division of retirement assets and any spousal support payments.

What are the plans with regard to life Insurance and wills?

Estate planning is an important consideration after divorce, particularly when it comes to two areas that may be overlooked by lawyers in separation agreements.

Wills

As grey divorces happen later in life, there was likely an understanding, even if not adequately documented, about what would happen upon either spouse’s death. This can be a sensitive discussion, and both parties will likely be concerned about the entrance of a future relationship that may impact inheritances. It is essential to address these openly and honestly. It is hard to contractually guarantee what one person will put in their will once their marital status changes, but some wording and good intentions are always the best way to resolve this issue.

Life Insurance

Like a person’s will, discussing who will be the future beneficiary(s) of an insurance policy is necessary. If possible, form part of the separation agreement’s terms around this decision. If an insurance policy is in place before the divorce, and if there is any cash value, this will usually form part of the marital assets. Even when there is no cash value, there should be a conversation about the face value that will pay out on death. Who will pay the premium, how will the insurance proceeds be divided, and can the owner change the beneficiary at his/her own will? Answering these questions can save the family from a future hassle.

Do you have enough set aside to get your children through college/university?

The children of grey divorces are typically older than in most divorces. Education is not usually an issue as some will have put away money in an RESP that covers most expenses. But there may still be a shortfall. Addressing these expenses in detail makes sense. Having dependent children pursuing their first degree can add a burden, both for school and child support. Take the time to plan.

What to do if one party is unhealthy?

If one of the spouses is facing a health issue, this can complicate the divorce. Along with the financial implications of one spouse’s health concerns, including its effect on spousal support and whether health benefits continue after the marriage ends, there will likely be emotional stress and fear. Emotional support from family, friends, or a counsellor can help both parties through it. Usually, poor health alone is not a reason for a divorce. Sometimes poor health is a result of one spouse not taking care of themselves. This issue sometimes causes anger and bitterness and may need a bit more give and take. Regardless, avoid fighting it out through lawyers. Court appearances and lengthy divorces are the last places to resolve marriage breakdown issues.

What is the best way to resolve the issues?

If you need help with understanding the process of mediation and divorce, please contact Fairway Divorce Solutions. We are here to help you navigate these changes in your life. Call today!